“it’s about how I’m feeling both physically and emotionally. The rage comes from not only the violence itself, but also their refusal to acknowledge their role in it. this annoying indoctrination where authority convinces us that we did these things to ourselves. Every time the head cracking is brought up someone will say “you should have kicked him” or “well you weren’t innocent”… As if I slammed my own head into the ground. Not a single admin said it was wrong or fucked up, though a few good guards have. I didn’t break my own laws, I didn’t build my own prisons, I didn’t attack myself in a fucking closet. There is no ‘criminal thinking’ there is a strong will and a raging heart and maybe a miscalculating brain. They do this shit baby, convincing us that all punishment is our own doing, we do it to ourselves… We are infanticized then whipped for throwing tantrums. we aren’t allowed to be adults but we are disciplined with grown up punishment. This mind game that most people buy into “I am bad, I do bad, I need to adapt and be better” …that is sickening isn’t it? My accountability isn’t to you and only for the purpose of getting to you at no point do I EVER want to be seen as adapting or adjusted to prison… That is a twisted game”